WoodenHornets as himself (opening and ending skits) and Twist
Froggy as himself (opening and ending skits) and Tommy
Matthew Thomas as himself (opening and ending skits), Bob the Builder, and Caillou
B-Lo Lorbes as Diego and Noodle Palace Owner (cameo)
Stofferex as Dora
SkeepTieel as Peppa Pig
UnamusedDetective as Molly
Frenzy as DJ Lance Rock
Seth W as Pablo
JMB as Wubbzy
GrumpyDoesArt as herself (cameo)
VinnyO as Kai-Lan
Adam (Pool) as Oobi
Hippie Rat as Oswald
MaNCHA as Squirt
Zawesome as Steve
MultiSuperVids as Blue
Written by Matthew Thomas, Froggy, WoodenHornets, HarryPotter2875, and more
Beats produced by Nick Luscoumbe, Dansonn, Kustom, Audio Network, Hollywood Legend Beats, Evelution, Thai REX, Hala-X, Nico on the Beat, Ear 2 Tha Beat, Don P, and Video Game Remixes
Mixed by Matthew Thomas
Edited and subtitled by Matthew Thomas
- Froggy: Hey, Matthew, can you join the call for a sec?
- WoodenHornets: Yeah! We wrote the Dora vs Diego battle for you. Heheh!
- Matthew Thomas: Oh... uh... alright!
- WoodenHornets: Yeah, I... check it out, these lyrics are dope as FUCK!
- Froggy: Yeah, yeah, alright. Here we go, alright.
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF CARTOONS!
Hola Ms. Explorer, it's about time we finally meet
I'll swing on vines, then have you suck my meet (hehe)
I'll kidnap Boots and punch you in the lung
After this battle you'll say "FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M DONE"
I'm making kids laugh, yours are just getting boreder
I'm swinging vines across the streams, you can't cross the border
Dora, I must confess, you are H-O-T
So hot, that you should come over and pee on me
Uno, dos, tres, I'll make you need a brace
This battle would be more offensive than the portrayal of your race
Lemme show you how to recite your fucking ABC's
I'm not a skank and I'm not a fucking ho
But I'll suck your dick, yum yum yum, delicioso!
What was your favorite part of me kicking Diego's ass?
...That's mine too, faggots!
- ???: What music are you into?
- Peppa: I like this, it's very grown up!
Time for the cutest little female pig to spit a harsh diss
I like playing in puddles, splosh splash splish!
I've been voiced by three different actors, are you jealous?
No? Well fuck you, I'll fucking cover you in pig shit
After Blue's Clues, my show comes on next
Now I'll pep up this battle, like a pig having sex
We Brits are the shit, you're a Spanish little cunthole
Diego, I talked to Dora last night, I fingered her butthole
- Peppa: My parents are in the other room.
Yo Peppa, how about you leave? You fucking sick shit
I'd also like to point out that your head looks like a dick
Shut the fuck uppie, 'cause I'm a Bubble Guppy
So get the hell out of my pond 'cause I'm like a puppy
I'm Bubbling like a Guppy, and I'm the best, you sucky
I'll stab you with this needle like that damn doll Chucky
I'm a natural born leader, and I'm fucking beautiful
Wanna finger me till I cum? Then please do, hun!
DJ Lance Rock:Edit
Back in black, so quit your yabba jabba jabba
After this battle, I'll rock out Yo Gabba Gabba!
I'm poppin' Molly, I'm at the top of this battle, I'm high
Fuck you you bitch, I'm gonna make you cry
I'm a DJ, bitch, all of you just suck
By the way Molly, your personality's stale as FUUUCK
I'm harder than DJ Not Not Not Nice
So get on this cross so I can fucking sacrifice!
- DJ Lance: Where's the next verse? Oh shit-
Pablo the Penguin:Edit
I'm Pablo the Penguin, I'll end you like Enderman
And in the end, you'll bow down to the Backyardigans
Bonjour motherfuckers, and get in my backyard
Lance is blacker than Tyrone the moose, who I fucked with this scone
My name is Pablo Diego Jose Francisco De Paula
Hose Sono Maria De Nomedo Fuckriano Ch'e
Fuck you and Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso
Oh. wait. I'm. not.
- Twist: Wcke wicke wicke! Wick- *wheezes*
Twist it, Twist it! I make music, BITCH
I'm the greatest ginger snapping pimp you'll meet with a diss
I'm a ripped twisted bitch and a disk jockey
Pablo and Lance, go play some fucking hockey
Maria sucked my dick, so you should too
I'm a dancing silly motherfucker who likes to watch your toons
All of you gather around and suck my metal penis
I'm running out of rhymes like I'm running out of batteries
- Twist: ???
Back from the island, it's Wubbzy here to f-(ight)
I'll skeet on your dicks, but I'll do it polite
Wow wow wow wow, IT'S FUCKING WUBBZY
Now come over to my dick, and give me a rubbzy
Wow wow, look at these little wh(ores)- (did I just cut off?)
Shrock you to death, and then teach you about chores
I'm a simple country girl trying to make it through this world
My freckles are bigger than DJ Lance's dick with swirls
- GrumpyDoesArt: Amazing.
- Kai-Lan: Kim Jong-un.
I walked down the street to get some noodles to eat
- Noodle Palace Owner: WELCOME TO THE NOODLE PALACE, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
I'm gonna kill a bitch, and stab them with greet
Wait, this battle's not over. It's me, Kai-Lan!
Why am I going up against two fucking cousin Talibans?
I just opened up a fortune cookie, it says you're going to win
Wait, wait, SHIT. FUCK! I read it wrong. Now eat my girly shit
Rong rive China, and death to the West!
Now I'm gonna leave, so STOP STARING AT MY BREAST
- Kai-Lan: Fuck.
I'm motherfucking Oobi, I'll scratch you with my mouth
After I'm done jacking off, I'll migrate down South
You're just jealous cause guess what bitch? I'm Oobi
I'm Oobi, Oobi, Oobi, you can't even touch a boobie
Kai-Lan? Ching chang chong the FUCK outta here (yeah!)
Dora and Diego? Get back to the border, queers!
Twist, you're just a fucking rip-off of Skrillex
Now I'm gonna use my hand to suck your damn dicks!
- Bob the Builder: Can we fix it, guys?
- Trucks: Yes we can!
Bob the Builder:Edit
I am not a crook. I'm a yellow-dressed builder.
When it comes to ladies, I'm a man who can fix her
You being a good show for children is something quite debatable
The way you fap, the way you slap, you're far from educational
When it comes to being in the battle, can I fix it? Yes we can
Everyone who watches your shit says you're a messy hand
I'm gonna build a door, so you can walk out of it bitch!
I'm British like Fel, so go and grab the secret of my dick!
- Bob the Builder: *coughs* Fuck.
I'm Tommy! I'M A BOMB! Tickity tock tick tock
Am I a clock or a time bomb? Suck my CLOCK SOCK!
Let me tell you a secret. And then I'll have to hang ya'
I HAVE A FUCKING CUTE SISTER AND I LIKE TO BANG HER
I'm Tommy, and I'm thinking more than a clock
So get the Bubble Guppies, and suck my tube sock
'Cause you don't... know... the shit that I brought
I saw Dora, and put her back on the shelf at Walmart!
- Albino Ray William Johnson: Hey, I'm the Albino Ray William Johnson. This video got... you know what? Who cares about how mu- uh... who gives a f*ck about how many views this video got? Roll the clip!
- Oswald: Wait a minute... is this Bad Santa? OwooooOOOOOOOOOOO-
I'm Oswald the blue big tentacled squid
Kinda like Squidward, but I'm fat and made for kids
I'm bluer than the deep blue sea, I'm so cute
TEE HEE HEE, I've got all you screamin' SQUEEEE
I have a fucking top hat, you have jack shit
And I'll harass your female companions, suck their tits
Check out my bowl hat, it's blacker than DJ Lance
I saw your shows and shoved it DOWN MY NON-EXISTENT PANTS
- Oswald: *coughs* Fuck.
I'm Squirt, from Miss Spider's palace
And I'll Squirt you with cum, throw you off balance
I've arrived on time to this battle, you showed up late
I'm a riggedy diggedy spider, I'll kill your prostate!
You know where my web will land? In your eyes
None of you know how to fucking rap, unlike I
I'll continue to Squirt, squirting up some spittle
Whoopsie daisy! Did I pee a little?
- ???: What you're about to see here, is my fucking XBox not fucking working. OHHH YEAH, I'M GONNA PLAY SOME GEARS OF WAR!
- ???: ??? take this shit.
Steve and Blue:Edit
(Steve in normal text, Blue in italics)
Hi there! It's me, Steve! Have you seen my dog Blue?
I'm right here dipshit! Oh crap, adieu!
Look at my green shirt, makes me look more handsome
I'm an emo little fuck, call me Marilyn Manson
I hope Trump deports you and Diego. Fucking spics
Don't drop the slippery soap or I'll give you a pawprint
Now it's time for so long, thanks for letting me teach you!
Steve, I'm fucking starving- SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL CUT YOU
- Caillou: Ohohoh. You done fucked up right now. HA! Guess what bitches? HAHAHAAA!
I'm Caillou! (Caillou!) A four year old pimp! (Yeah!)
You think you're clever? Have a taste of my Gimp (Bitch!)
I have cancer bitch, you can call me Walter White (Unh!)
'Cause I kill all who happen to spot me in the night (That's right!)
When me, mommy, daddy, and Rosie are having fun (Yeah!)
I'll kick your ass until you're fucking done!
So fuck you all, I'll fly to the fucking moon
'Cause I'm a happy little kid, Caillou! (Bitch!)
- *heart monitor flatlines*
EPIC... Rap... Battles of Cartooooons...
- WoodenHornets: So... what'd you think of that?
- Matthew Thomas: What the FUCK guys? That was absolute shit! You guys are just TROLLING me now!
- Froggy: What the fuck Matthew? We spent so many hours writing this...
- Matthew Thomas: No you didn't! You spent like one minute writing this shit!
- WoodenHornets: I can't believe you. We worked SO hard on this, and you won't even accept it! Nice job Matthew.
- Matthew Thomas: You guys didn't work hard on this! These are troll lyrics! Stop fucking joking with me! I'm NOT USING THESE!
- Froggy: Matthew, if you don't use these lyrics, we're gonna cause mayhem on your channel.
- WoodenHornets: Yeah! Use them now, or ELSE!
- Matthew Thomas: NO!
- Froggy: Fine, then uh, let the mayhem start, okay? First, we're gonna leave a dislike on all your videos, and then it's just gonna get worse from there.
- Matthew Thomas: Fuck this...
*Matthew leaves call*
- WoodenHornets: LOL! What a fag.
- Like this video!
- Loud Nigra: EaaaUUUUUUUUUUUGH-
- This is the fourth April Fools battle from the series after Luigi vs Vegetables in 2014, Clarence vs Harvey Beaks 2 in 2016, and Squidward's Suicide vs Dead Bart 3 in 2017.
- The dialogue in the intro and outro are based on a true event when WoodenHornets, Froggy, and others tried to troll Matthew into using joke lyrics back in April 2014 for a real Dora vs Diego battle he was gonna do.
- All of the lyrics were from the original Skype writing session of the battle. Bob the Builder and Steve/Blue weren't in the original lyrics, and were added in later when production of the 2018 release was started.
- This marks both VinnyO and SkeepTieel's first rapping roles in ERBOC. The both previously appeared in the Christmas Special, The Grinch vs Frosty The Snowman (remastered), but they only sung the intro in that battle and did not rap.